The most sophisticated release yet from Slowly the Ghost Records:

The 5thest of pltoktijtuhtygt
Volume 1

On first listen to the song "Wake Up, Astronauts," Nauscopy Records headpretzel raved:
This is 106% fruit salad!

Mastered from the year 2000 radio show tapes of
March 21 . May 21 & 28 . June 3, 11, & 25 . July 23 & 30 . August 13 . September 3, 10, & 24 . October 6 & 8

Stay tuned for Volume 9235702352357235727203!

1. Wake Up, Astronauts 6/25 FOLLOW THIS LINK TO ACCESS THE AUDIO FILE BELOW
2. What the Hell are Capers? 6/3
3. Thrift City 10/6 & 8
4. Brits and Blood 9/3
5. Piñata Taxidermy 3/21
6. Commercial 9/24
7. Not Invited 10/8
8. Tootsie Roll 10/8
9. Brown Squares 5/28
10. You're a Wuss 7/23
11. I'm a Wuss 7/23
12. Funky Beats 9/10
13. Grand Poopening Sale 6/11
14. Goa 7/23
15. Michael's Art and Crap Store 5/21
16. Fantastic Potato Barf 6/25
17. Watermelon 10/6 & 8
18. If Your Name is T.J! 6/25
19. I Like to Kill My Chaps 10/8
20. Crackers Door-to-Door 6/25
21. Kooky Skeleton Cars 10/8
22. Mr. Poo Brain 7/30
23. Wussy Korn Girl 10/8
24. Spunds 6/11
25. Harmonica Man 10/6 & 8
26. Tracing Paper 6/11
27. Pumpkins 5/28
28. Blonde Hobo Who's Dead 7/23
29. Big Knife 9/3
30. I'm Walking Down the Street 6/3
31. Baby Seal Lullaby 9/3

 

1. Wake Up, Astronauts 6/25

Waaaake up, astronauts in SpaceLab 24
We're gonna wake you up with your favorite song by Lynyrd Skynyrd!
We're Lynyrd Skynyrd and we really rock
You gotta wake up, you astronaut blokes
You gotta wake up
We're Lynyrd Skynyrd and we really rock
We're gonna get you outta the bed and yer gonna float
Yer gonna float in your SpaceLab 24
We're Lynyrd Skynyrd and we're the wake-up club
The government's paying us big to do this
We know that you all Skynyrd fans
You are waking up and you're gonna float
You are waking up to Lynyrd Skynyrd
We are Lynyrd Skynyrd and we're waking you up
And yer gonna float
And we are getting paid big bucks by the government
To get you to roll outta bed and float
You are strapped down to sleep, we know it
You gotta wake up now and float
You gotta press the buttons and twiddle the knobs
In SpaceLab 24
And the government says so
So they got us to wake you up
You gotta unstrap yourself and float today
Twiddle the knobs and switch the switches and eat the powdered corn
We're Lynyrd Skynyrd so better wake up
You better wake up, you astronaut folks
Wake up, you gotta wake up, unstrap
You gotta twiddle knobs, you gotta press buttons, and eat the powdered beets
The government's paying us
Are ya outta bed yet?  You better be!
'Cause we're Lynyrd Skynyrd and we won't take that sitting down
We'll get into space and kick your butt


2. What the Hell are Capers?
6/3

Pumpkin pie with applesauce and capers
What the hell are capers anyway?
They're little, kinda roundish, they're green... mostly
They come in a jar
They're wrinkled
What the hell are capers anyway?
What the hell are capers?
They look like boogers to me!
Why would you want to eat them?
Do you put them on pizza?
What the hell are capers anyway?
What the hell are capers?
They're gourmet, man
Why don't you have one, dude?
They're all the rage in the high schools of California
Some kinda health-food fanatic invented them
He had a big nose
Let me tell you what, baby
He picked them out of those
Those evil nostril flaring with the big green wrinkled capers
What the hell are capers?
They came from the man with the big nose
They came from the man with the great big nose
Great big nose
Capers from the great big nose
Sixteen ounces everyday out of each nostril
I'll tell you what the hell are capers are
What the hell are capers are
What the hell are capers are
Aw, man, don't wipe your nose like that
It makes me wanna eat capers


3. Thrift City 10/6
& 8

Thrift City tonight...
Thrift City, easy listening on Love Underground Vision Radio
This isn't a real song
Just a man with a microphone
Sing along to the tune
Dreaming of the cheap socks in Thrift City
Dreaming of a lamp that will go with the couch I got at Thrift City
This isn't a real song
Just cruisin' down the aisle in Thrift City
That... Oh, that blender catches my eye... gotta check it out
Didja know the orange tags are 25% off tonight?
Thrift City will be open until 9 PM
Can't wait for Memorial Day when everything's 50% off
At Thrift City
Thrift City's for me and you, Thrift City ooo ooo ooo
Thrift City, where all my dreams come true
Thrift City for you
Got a good bargain on some pants... it was a yellow-tag day
The Thrift City cashier said, Boy you made my day
We all hate those pants
We're glad to see them go...
Thank you for coming to Thrift City
Don't forget your receipt now, hun
Thrift City's for me and you
Great bargains, ohhh-oh
This can't go on forever, can it?
Thrift City's gotta close sometime
I know it closes at nine, I think
Oh, Thrift City
Let's check out the luggage
At Thrift City
It's in the back corner of the store
Thrift City, there it is
If we're lucky, the luggage has other bargains inside
Welcome to Thrift City
We can take you right here in this aisle over here...


4. Brits and Blood 9/3

I'm in the mood to sing about Brits and how the Brits like blood
We will take your blood and we will, we will take your blood
Yes, we will take your blood
That's Brit rock?
Oh.
Oi, oi, oi, oi...
I'm a Brit, I want your blood, give me your red blood
I'm a Brit, I got a needle, gonna put it in your arm
Gonna gimme your blood 'cause I'm a Brit
You can't go to Britain and get away wi' it
You got to stay in Britain if they are worried about the bovine hormone
They don't want you to go to Britain for over six months
You got to give me your blood
'Cause I'm a Brit and I want your blue blood
And your red blood too
I don't mind if you don't know the queen
You have to give me blood
I don't care if it's red or blue
Give me, give me your blood
Red or blue, I don't care, I want...


5. Piñata Taxidermy 3/21

I'm into piñata taxidermy
People think that I am sick in the head
I like a nice stuffed squirrel stuffed with candies in wrappers
Then I like to beat it with a stick
Until the candies fall on the ground
I'm into piñata taxidermy
I need help, that's what the people tell me
Sometime I'm gonna get a really big moose stuffed with caramels
Sometime I'm gonna get an elk that's stuffed with SweetTarts and Pixi-Stix
I'm into piñata taxidermy
I think I'm okay
I think it's pretty fun to beat up animals stuffed with candy
Stuffed with confetti
Stuffed with things that aren't their own guts
Someone help me sing about something that's not guts and blood tonight...

 

6. Commercial 9/24

Like, Stacey, I got a pimple today!!
What'm I gonna do?!  I have such a big date today!
Oh, honey, you should get Clearasil face puffs... they helped me when I was feelin' down 'n out!
Aw, man, I dunno about that
I tried their products before, but didn't seem to work!
Oh, well, you should give 'em another try because it's new and improved, and here's a coupon!
Yeah!!
And you get to be cool like Paula Abdul!
Oh, right, okay, I think I'll try that, okay!
I'll let you see later, alright, bye...
Uh huh!


7. Not Invited 10/8

Doesn't look like I'm in-,
Doesn't look like I'm,
Doesn't look like I'm invited
I'm not invited!
Mikee's turning something-years-old and they're gonna eat vegan
But I'm, I'm not invited and neither is Plate
They're gonna eat off the table, I dunno, I dunno
I'm not invited to Mikee's birthday
And neither is Plate 'cause Plate is just like me
We, we don't get invited anywhere
We're not invited to Mikee's birthday party
Even though we're almost vegan
We're not invited to Mikee's birthday party
Even though we're almost vegan
And they will have to eat off the table without Plate
They'll need to have a plate, don't they?  No...
We're not invited, we're not invited, no no
No no no no...

 

8. Tootsie Roll 10/8

I'm sitting around, and I'm gonna make a dirt pie made of mud and I'm gonna mix up some of my own poop in it
And when no one's looking, then I'm going to put a Tootsie Roll on top
And I'm gonna eat it up, eat it up, eat it up, eat it up
Have you ever really looked at a Tootsie Roll?
Have you ever really, really looked at a Tootsie Roll?
I haven't, I don't care, I just eat 'em up, eat 'em up, eat 'em up, eat 'em up
Fblarghf, flargbh, fgluff!
I'd eat my own poop, I would, if no one letted me know...


9. Brown Squares 5/28

Brown squares
You've got four sides
You're known as:
Brown squares
Four corners have 90-degree angles
Brown squares, brown squares
You are a square; you are brown
Brown squares, you're a nice shape
I like your color, kinda like poop
Brown squares, brown squares
Kinda like chocolate in a candy bar
Brown squares
I'll tell ya what, kinda more like... poop
Brown squares, brown squares
Polygons of poop, polygons of poop
Brown squares, brown squares

 

10. You're a Wuss 7/23

Wussy, wussy...
Hey, you look like a wussy, come here
I heard from your fake friends that you're a wuss
Come closer
You're a wuss
Your pseudo-friends have told me so
You are a big, big, big wuss
You're a Wuss with a capital W
If you were any more of a Wuss, you'd need a triple W
A big, big W, triple-u for a Wuss that is like you
Wuss... Wuss... Wuss...
I think I hear your mama callin' for you
Wuss...
Must be dinner at the Wussy family table
Wu- Wuss...
You better move along 
If you are late to the Wuss family dinner
Then you're gonna be in trouble with Mama Wuss and she's gonna beat you 
And you're gonna cry 'cause you're a wuss
Wuss...


11. I'm a Wuss 7/23

I'm a wuss
I'm a wuss
My eyelids are so wimpy, I'm a wuss
My eyelids are so flabby, I'm a wuss, wuss, wuss
I can't stay awake, I am a wuss
I want to sleep and be fat in bed
I am a wuss, I should be dead
I should be fat and sleepy in bed
My eyelids are so droopy and low
I am a wuss, can't stay awake
My eyelids are so flabby and pale
I am a wuss, I wanna be asleep
My eyelids are fat
I can't keep awake
I am a wuss, wanna be asleep
I can't keep awake
I'm a wuss


12. Funky Beats 9/10

Hey, we got the funky beats
And we gotta run all the red lights in this town
Hey, we got the funky beats
We got the funky green buttons to push
We're runnin' all the red lights in this town
Our beats let us run the yellow lights
The yellow lights, they are so short
They have us run the red lights, all of the red lights in this damn town
We got the funky beats
They make us run the red lights
The cops can't catch us now
We got the funky beats
We elude them
We run the red lights and we drive into the bushes with the funky beats and a green button
You can't find us; we blend right in with the foliage
You can't catch us after we run the red lights
We got the funky beats
The bushes are blue, but the cops don't mind
They're all high on sprinkles from their donuts
They don't notice that the bushes are blue
They don't care that we got the funky beats
They can't find us
We got the green button
We rule the land of Doritos and donuts
Without coffee, they can't hurt us
We got the funky beats
We get away with runnin' all the red lights and the blue bushes and the green button
Who cares about the blue bushes and the sprinkles from the donuts
We got the funky beats
The cops can't catch us none


13. Grand Poopening Sale 6/11

Pslurgsk, hey guys, let's go to Poops
They're having the Grand Poopening Sale
It's on Friday April 28th and Saturday April 29th
All Poops stores celebrate the grand poopening of our eleven new stores
Hey guys, look, the entire poop of misses' career separates are on sale
Hey, the poop shorts, regularly 19.99, now 14.99 each
Hey look, the Marcell bed-in-a-poop, 
I mean poop-in-a-bag, 
Set includes comfpooper, bedpooper,  pillow poop sham, matching poop set
All other patterns of poop available: twin, full, or queen poop
Hey, a fifty-dollar price break on their Admiral poop/VCR combo


14. Goa 7/23

Goa, goa, go away
This sucks and you do too
Goa, goa, goa home
I am bored, so are you
Eeeehgnngnnnnnnnghhh, ahhhhaahhngneghhhhh
Eeeehgnngngghhhhhhh, eeeghgngnghnnn, nnnn



15. Michael's Art and Crap Store 5/21

Matboard is ninety-nine dollars at Michael's, Michael's Art and Crap Store
Matboard is ninety-nine dollars 
And the sheets are only 30 by 20
It just- at Michael's Art and Crap Store
Michael's will rip you off
They know you need that matboard, gray, tan, neutral,
Michael's will rip you off
That store full of- ha ha, Michael's Art and Crap Store
Matboard is expensive, price increasing every day, baby, at Michael's Art and Crap Store
Just last week I was buying some matboard; it was nine dollars
Then this Saturday I went into Michael's Art and Crap Store; it was ninety-nine dollars

Well my name is Henry and I've got a machine to go into the future
Lemme tell ya baby, in two days, it's gonna be $199.99 for 600 square inches of gray matboard at Michael's, hun
Oh my God, better buy it now
Matboard inflation, taking over Michael's Art and Crap Store
Soon it'll be 9,000 dollars for a 20-by-30 piece of matboard when you shop at Michael's Art and Crap Store


16. Fantastic Potato Barf 6/25

I pressed the button, I thought it said 'surf,' but it said 'barf'
Waves of barf upon the shore of a porcelain bowl in you-know-where: Idaho
I pressed the button, I thought it said 'surf,' but it said 'barf'
It said barf, barf, barf waves washing up on the shore of a porcelain bowl in Idaho
Idaho potatoes washing up on the shore; they're in the barf
Idaho potatoes in Idaho, the Idaho bowl, full of barf, potato barf
Pressed the button, thought it said 'surf,' but it said 'barf'
Waves of barf are washing up on the toilet bowl shore in Idaho
Idaho potato barf  is washing up on the shore of a toilet bowl porcelain in Idaho
Idaho potatoes, they... make you feel a little, make you feel a little nauseous
When you're eating Idaho potatoes in the carnival atmosphere
And you're feeling a little crazy on the tippy tippy tippy teacups and the tippy tippy tippy ferris wheel
Next thing ya know, you're in the carnival portable restroom, 
Washing the shores of their toilet bowl with your... potato barf
If you contact the Fantastic Food Company, perhaps they will be interested in purchasing your potato barf for their use as potato broth
Fantastic Foods has always welcomed to bring consumers all of the delicious vegetarian delights that they've grown to know and love
It's all organic because it's all thrown-up from people like you in Idaho... Idaho potatoes
Pushing that button, thought it said 'surf,' but it's barf, Idaho potato barf
Contact Fantastic Foods


17. Watermelon 10/6
& 8

I got watermelon seeds
I got watermelon seeds
Gotta watermelon seeds, then I spit 'em
Gotta spit 'em on the hard things, and they make the noise
It made a noise, the watermelon seed I got
I got two watermelon seeds in my mouth right now
And they'll make a loud noise
I got one, I dropped one on the ground
I picked it up and put it in my mouth again
It's not dirty, I blew on it
I had my friend blow on it too, make it not dirty
I put it back in my mouth
I put it back in my mouth and I spit it
It'll make a loud noise
I spit 'em far
I spit the watermelon seeds far, real far
Look, look how far this one goes
It hit that thing and it made that loud noise
But I made it
That one I put in my mouth, it was clean
I had my friends blow on it
It was clean, it wasn't dirty
It was already brown
I spit the watermelon seeds far and make some noises
It's fun I like it
Watermelons grow out of the ground so they're dirty anyway
Who cares if I drop a dirty brown-looking watermelon seed from a watermelon that grew out of the ground 
If I drop the watermelon seed on the ground it shouldn't be any more dirty 'cause it came out of the ground
It's clean, it's cleaner than it was before
It's brown but it's not dirty
It grew out of the dirt but it's not dirty, how 'bout that?
I think it's alright to put it in my mouth again
I like it
I spit 'em far and make noise


18. If Your Name is T.J! 6/25

T.J!, if you're listening tonight, you have to check your e-mail, T.J!
If your name's T.J! with a T and a J
You need to check your e-mail tonight
Right away, if your name is T.J!
You need to check your e-mail tonight
If your name's T.J!, you've got an important message
You gotta read tonight
If your name is T.J! with a T and a J
If your name is T.J! with a T and J, you need to check your e-mail right away


19. I Like to Kill My Chaps 10/8

La la la, la la la la la laaa...
And the pretty flowers were blooming in the night 
And it was so nice and I drank a cup of tea 
And I found a nice lamb 
And I sliced his throat 
And the blood spurted out 
And I drank it all up raw and I didn't share with the chaps because I love the House of Satan
And the tea party with Lucifer is a jolly good thing, I think I do
I go Stonehenge and I, I got to paint it red with blood, blood, blood
It was a jolly good time with the chaps
Not very many made it then, though, because I already killed them Wednesday last week
It was fun, fun, fun with the House of Satan, I say 
Oi, oi, oi, I love to kill my chaps
Kill 'em dead, kill 'em dead, kill 'em red, kill 'em red, make them...
Make them drink their tea with their friends' blood in it too
But they don't know nothin' now, do they
They are all my friends
We all out drinking tea and we all come sloshing back
And then go to Stonehenge and we get some pretty rabbits
And the flowers were a-bloomin' that night but they aren't now blooming now
They were as red as roses but now they're redder now
They've got the blood of my chaps on them, they know their jolly souls
And now we're going to the House of Satan
We're gonna have some crumpets and tea...
And I'll tell ya what now friends, Lucifer's got a nice tea set
I'll tell ya what 'ere, he sits with his ankles crossed and he's a got a lovely beard
It's pointed like his throat
He's got a lovely knife and he slashes at my throat
In the House of Satan, dear, we have a jolly time
Gotta pretty tea party that goes on all the time
You don't like my songs about Satan, huh?
You always change the song
You see, it was interesting, though
Oh that's alright, I can sing about Satan anytime I want, anytime I want
You just watch



20. Crackers Door-to-Door 6/25

Hi, I'm here to sell you crackers made of wheat and corn
They have low-salt and they're good for you if you like to snack
Hi, I'm selling crackers door-to-door
You will have to come and knock on my door if you want more of these delicious crackers made of wheat and corn
They're low in sodium and high in fiber, just for you and your...
You know what?  I'm selling crackers, going door-to-door in your neighborhood
I'm selling crackers made of wheat and corn
They're low in salt and high in pee
They get the yellow color not from the corn
You should get out your magnifying glass and take a good look at this box that I'm making you eat
It's got an ingredient you can't beat!
I'm selling crackers door-to-door
They're made of wheat and corn and also a secret ingredient known as pee
They come in a yellow box and they might be a kind of generic Wheat Thins
Have you ever looked at a box of Wheat Thins?
I'm selling crackers door-to-door
They're made of wheat and corn and a little thing we like to call poop and pee, poop and pee, poop and pee
Oh, delightful scent, don't you think?  Would you like a sample?  Oh, come on, open the door, come on, come on...
I'm selling crackers made of corn and wheat, and poop and pee
Door-to-door, and everyone's just opening their door just widely to me
Corn and wheat and pee

 

21. Kooky Skeleton Cars 10/8

Alright, I'm ready
I'm ready to improvise, which is saying virtually nothing
But I've got an idea for a song, you won't believe this one
I'll tell you 'bout the kooky cars the skeletons drive
I'll tell ya what the skeletons drive
They don't drive a hearse, they don't drive a Mazda
They drive the kooky skeleton cars
They don't work very well, they're jalopy, they're oil-sloppy
The kooky cars that break down on the road and make their skeleton drivers mighty angry
But they have the special gears, they know how to be repaired
The skeleton drivers, they reach into their pocket 
And they pull out a femur bone, a femur bone, a femur bone
You know what that's for?  I'll tell ya, that's what this song's about
You're gonna find out, aren'tcha?  You're gonna find out, huh, you're gonna find out
You're gonna know what the skeletons do when they gotta repair their crazy cars
You're gonna know what they do with the femur bone, the femur bone
They reach into their pocket for a femur bone
Gonna fix their car with the only tool they need
Skeleton's femur bone, femur bone, femur bone
They use the femur bone as a funny little wrench, they do
They use a femur bone as wrench on their kooky skeleton cars
The femur bone is a wrench, wrench, wrench
The wrench for a skeleton car like yours
I know you're not dead yet, but if you keep driving fast and speeding,
You're gonna hit a, you're gonna hit a car, then a dog, then a tree, and telephone pole,
Gonna take out the town with a great big wreck
You're gonna make a traffic jam
Gonna need a, gonna need to reach into your pocket for the femur bone, the femur bone
And wrench, wrench that car back into shape there
Gotta fix that skeleton kooky car



22. Mr. Poo Brain 7/30

Hey Mr. Poo Brain, ya gonna do me a favor
Gonna give me a favor
Hey Mr. Poo Brain, gimme a squishy hug
Gimme a bunch of pee in a mug
Warm it up in the microwave, baby, you—
Mr. Poo Brain, you gotta do me a favor
I'm thirsty and I need a squishy hug
Gimme a squishy hug, then give me a 25-ounce pee mug
Refillable at 7-11 with Yellow #5
Mr. Poo, it's good to be alive
When you give me a mug of Yellow #5
Twenty-five ounces of joy
For me and every boy
Refillable at 7-11 in seventeen participating states



23. Wussy Korn Girl 10/8

Wussy Korn with a girl singin'!
Uhhh, what'd she do?  Bleghhh!!
Ughkfghhh!  Don't I sound tough?
I'm the wussy girl Korn
I'm the wussy girl Korn!
Ughhhh!  I'm mad, I'm mad!  Urghghh!!
I'm just like Korn!


24. Spunds 6/11

It isn't hard to be a  biologist
And you know what I invented
I invented things that would make you cry
I invented a potato 
But it grows underwater instead in the soil
They can grow in lakes or seas
Saltwater or fresh, doesn't matter
They can grow in the pond in your backyard
Or even in a puddle
I know you're dying to know what they're called
And I'll tell you in a sec
I call 'em Spunds
I call 'em Spunds
Kind of a cross between Spuds and Pond
It's good to be a biologist
I invented Spunds in my free time
I like mashed Spunds
And they're good fried
They're also good baked
I invented Spunds
They can grow in ponds or lakes
They are good to eat
Sonna sell them to McDonald's 
So then McDonald's Corporation can take over the last 3/4ths of the earth
'Cause McDonald's is Satan

 

25. Harmonica 10/6 & 8

Get with it
I thought I was playing harmonica in a cool band for a moment there
You mean New Kids on the Block?
You mean you play harmonica for New Kids on the Block?
Good to be in New Kids on the Block
As their Harmonica Man
I know that Joe is ugly
Donnie too
But I don't let that get in my way when I'm playing harmonica
For New Kids on the Block
My harmonica styling saved the band
NKTOB, they owe it all to me—Harmonica Man
NKTOB, they owe it all to me— Harmonica Man
Yeah, check out that!
Harmonica Man!
Put the cow in the semi for NKTOB
Harmonica Man, eat that cow alive and get the blood off the harmonica
Don't you, don't you forget that they owe it all to me, NKTOB, they owe it all to me
They owe it all to my command
Yeah, break it down here
Yeah, Harmonica Man, breaking it on down now
NKTOB, they owe it all to me, yeah, me, Harmonica Man
Hey, we're getting a little ambient there, alright
We're going back, we're back in business with NKTOB, with Harmonica Man
I  was the silent member of New Kids on the Block
I was the only one who could play an instrument and dance at the time
NKTOB, they owe it all to me— I'm Harmonica Man!
Harmonica Man!
Ooo, you like that one?  Check this one out now!
Yeah, what would you do without me—Harmonica Man!
NKTOB, they owe it all to me, yeah, me—Harmonica Man!
This one's your favorite; check this out!

26. Tracing Paper 6/11

Don't throw away the tracing paper
Don't throw away the tracing paper
You gotta admit this song's got more lyrics than most of the songs that are by STYX
You gotta admit it, you gotta hold onto that tracing paper
Don't throw away the tracing paper today
Please don't throw away the tracing paper today
It's mighty thin
You may not see it
But you gotta keep it and you gotta read the message that's on it
You gotta admit, this song has more lyrics than most STYX songs combined
Don't throw away the tracing paper
Don't throw away the tracing paper
Don't throw away the tracing paper
Yes, it's extended, this is what STYX likes to do!
We gotta go on and on about how you can't throw away the tracing paper
Please don't throw away the tracing paper
It's mighty thin
You may not see it
But you need to read it
It's tissue thin (tracing paper is, you know)
And you can't throw it away
Don't throw away the tracing paper
Don't throw away the tracing paper
Don't throw away, don't throw it away, don't throw away the tracing paper
I think STYX is proud of us
Don't throw it away



27. Pumpkins 5/28

Oh when the
The pumpkins are hollowed out for the mice to live in
And the mice kicked out the rats
And the rats have kicked out the snakes
And the pumpkins are all hollowed in the garden at Mr. Jones'
All the pumpkins are all hollowed out and you walk around and you expect them to carry your weight but you are... fat!!
Too many pumpkin pies, too many pumpkin pies
They've all been cooked by the nice mice who kicked out the rats who kicked out the snakes


28. Blonde Hobo Who'
s Dead 7/23

What?  I'm supposed to sing about ants?
The ants are crawling on the blonde hobo that's dead
Passed out in a gutter, now she's dead
She's been shaved by the male hobos on the block
And the ants are chewing on her
She's dead, she's blonde, she's a hobo, she's dead
The ants are having a picnic on her shirt
She's dead, she's dead, she's dead, she's dead
Her roots will begin to show now
'Cause you know your fingernails and hair keep growing even though you're dead
Do the ants know?  Do they care?
The ants chew on her hair
She's dead, she's dead in the alley, she's dead
The male hobos shaved her, she's dead


29. Big Knife 9/3

I got a big knife
George Bush gave it to me
I got a big knife
It's not for cuttin' up no raw fish
It's for cutting off my own arm
And then I'm gonna chop off my right foot
And then I'm gonna cut off my ear and mail it to Charlton Heston
Grgrgrggrggggggggggrgrgrgrggggg
That's Charlton Heston now!  Hey, Charlton, how' ya feelin'?
GGRGgrrgrggGRGRGgrggrgrgRg
Good to hear it, man.  You're looking, feeling, sounding good today, man!
Hey, I hear you're gonna get me a knife!?
GGgAGgGGGAGGGgGGGGGAGrrrrr
Yeah, yeah, yeah, what about George W. Bush?  Ya votin' for him?  Yeah, uh-huh, but what about my knife, dude?
GggGRGgrgrgggg...
Uh, okay, I'll be looking forward to that. See ya later.
GRGRgrgrgrgrg.
I'll see you at target practice on Thursday.
GgrggggagagaggggggggggRgrgrrrrrgrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Yeah, bye, Charlton.   Give my love to Mrs. Heston for me and stuff, or give her a gun for me, for her birthday, won't you?




30. I'm Walking Down the Street 6/3

Huh-huh-huhhuhuh-huhhh
I'm walking down the street
HUHhuhuHuHUHUHHHH
I'm walking down the street
Ya know where I'm going?
I'm walking down the street
I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm going to go, I'm going to go, I'm going to go to Payless Shoe Store!
I'm walking down the street... 
I'm going to go to Payless Shoe Store...

 


31. Baby Seal Lullaby 9/3

There's a baby seal in the zoo
Mama Seal is singing a lullabye to Baby Seal in the zoo
This zoo has never seen the birth of captive young
But now we have a baby seal
Captive young are now no big deal
We hate the lullaby that Mama Seal sings to her cub
Baby Seal was all the rage for a while,
But now she's back in the cage
Baby seals are no big deal
That baby seal is dead